Know your stars kh1 version!
by Yoku-Kun
Summary: Just a little funny know your stars thing.
1. Victim 1: Sora!

This is my first fan fiction, so kinda go easy on me. I but I will accept flames. I really wanted to write something since I felt kinda left out when I was reading other peoples stories. I really like know your stars and I didn't see one for kingdom hearts so here is mine! Kingdom hearts is one of the awesomest game ever! (kupo!) Well on with this stupid thing!

Disclaimer: I don't own Squat!(lol)

_**Know your stars!**_

**Annocertress: **Bring in the victim…

A portal appears and two moogles come in with Sora bound and gagged.

**Annocertress: **Thank-you, kupo! You guys get a cookie after, kupo!

The moogles salute and leave. Sora unbounds himself and starts to wonder where he is.

**Sora: **Hey! Where am I?

**Annocertress: **Oh just shut-up and take a seat!

**Sora: **But there's no---

A chair appears in back of Sora.

**Annocertress: **Now sit!

**Sora: **(Sits down)

**Annocertress: **Know your stars, know your stars, know your stars!

**Sora: **Huh?

**Annocertress: **Sora…He got some big feet!

**Sora: **No, the shoes are just big.

**Annocertress: **Sora…He is in love with Riku!

**Sora: **Oh…hell…NO!! First off, I'm straight and secondly Riku is too!

**Annocertress: **Sora…He knows that Riku likes guys with big feet so he wears big shoes to make his feet look bigger. He wants to turn Riku on!

**Sora: **What did I just say?! I'm SRAIGHT!

**Annocertress: **Well you don't gotta scream! Well if that's not the reason, then why do you wear big shoes?

**Sora:** …

**Annocertress: **You're in denial.

**Sora: **I'M NOT GAY!

**Annocertress: **Okay, sheesh. Sora…He uses 53½ different types of hair products to get his hair all cute and spiky!

**Sora: **…Uh…how could I use 53½ hair products? I don't even know that many!

**Annocertress: **Well, you use 54 hair products but 53 of them you use the full bottle, and the last one use half of the bottle.

**Sora: **…0.o…

**Annocertress: **Sora…He also uses one tub of hair gel every hour on the hour!

**Sora: **W…T…F! How could all that fit in my hair!

**Annocertress:** You know, I don' know…

**Sora: **…

**Annocertress: **Sora…He is a member of I.M. G.A.Y (Institution of the Mentally Gay And Young)!

**Sora: **There's no such Institution!

**Annocertress: **And now you know Sora. The hair and Riku loving I.M. G.A.Y member!

**Sora: **I AM FUCKIN' STRAIGHT!

A/N: That was short but fun to write. As I said, this is my first story, so go kinda easy on me thx, kupo!


	2. Victim 2: Ansem!

Okay…I finally did another chapter on this. Man! It's hard to think of good humor! Well... I'm not that good at humor anyway. Well… on with the story.

Disclaimer: once again…I don't own squat! (Ha-ha)

_**Know your stars!**_

**Annocertress: **Bring in the victim…

A portal appears and two cute little shadow heartless come through with a bound and gagged Ansem.

**Annocertress: **Thank-you. You guys can eat his heart after.

The heartless unbound Ansem, salute, and leave through the portal.

**Ansem: **Where the hell am I?

**Annocertress: **Know your stars, know your stars, know your stars!

**Ansem: **What the-

**Annocertress: **Ansem…He is a member of I.M. G.A.Y (Institution for the Mentally Gay and Young)!

**Ansem:** …There is no such organization…

**Annocertress: **Ansem…He is in love with Sephiroth!

**Ansem: **Gasp Who told you!

**Annocertress: **Holy peanut-butter! I thought I was messing with you! So it's true!

**Ansem: **No it's not.

**Annocertress: **Yea it is!

**Ansem: **No it isn't!

**Annocertress: **Okay then…SEPHIROTH! GET YO BUTT IN HERE!

**Ansem: **Uh-oh…

**Sephiroth: **…what do you want?

**Annocertress: **Ansem…He admitted that he hates Sephiroth's guts and will never love him! He says he has found a new love in Riku!

**Sephiroth: **WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Ansem: **That's not true! I love very much Sephy!

**Annocertress: **…Sephy? …

**Sephiroth: **Oh! Is that how it's gonna be!? You take over his body and think that he feels better than me!?!?

**Annocertress: **…uh…I hate yaoi, so, I'm leaving. See ya crazies.(I leave)

**Ansem: **No Sephy! You feel much better than him!

**Sephiroth: **I still don't believe you so… I'm leaving. Yea! I'm leaving you! Bye BIOTCH!

**Ansem: **NOOOOO!! SEPHY!!(Starts to cry)……Who's gonna make me feel warm at night?

(A/N) Wow…this was pretty short. Well at least I did it. Yea!(but seriously…I hate yaoi…) Well all I have left to say is that is I hope you enjoyed this and please R/R,kupo!


	3. Victim 3: Cloud!

Yea!!!!!! People are actually reading this!!!!!!!!! I got some inspiration so now I can get another chapter up! I'm sorry if this isn't that funny. This is just because I really can't think of any good insults for the KH characters. Well, I hope you guys like this anyway.

Disclaimer: I…don't…own…sq-, oh forget it! I'm getting tired of saying this.

_**Know your stars!**_

**Annocertress:** Bring…well, you know what to do.

A portal appears. Cloud walks in with two big body heatless tied up.

**Annocertress: **…How in the name of peanut-butter did you take out two fat heartless single-handedly!

**Cloud: **…I have no idea why I'm here, but all I did was give them each a cookie.

**Annocertress: **Well, well, well, if that is the case, you guys don't get to eat his heart after this!

The two heartless begin to cry and Cloud throws them back through the portal.

**Annocertress: **Know your stars, know your stars, know your stars!

**Cloud: **…

**Annocertress: **Cloud…he is a butterfly!

**Cloud: **How the hell could I be a butterfly?

**Annocertress: **You have wings!

**Cloud: **So. Vincent has wings too and you're not calling him a butterfly.

**Annocertress: **…who's Vincent?

**Cloud: **…Never mind.

**Annocertress: **Cloud…He likes Sephiroth!

**Cloud: **…

**Annocertress:** …

**Cloud: **…

**Annocertress: **Why aren't you saying anything!

**Cloud: **Because…I don't like Sephiroth.

**Annocertress: **Curse you!

**Cloud: **Why?

**Annocertress: **Because you are the first person who actually used their brain!

**Cloud: **…

**Annocertress: **(this'll show him!) Cloud…he uh…raped Sora!

**Cloud:** W…T…F!

**Annocertress: **Cloud…he also raped Sephiroth and Leon at the same time with Sora!

**Cloud: **…O.O… (He faints)

**Annocertress: **Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! Salted! ...Okay, I'm bored now.

Akamaru suddenly comes through the portal and walks up to the fainted Cloud.

**Akamaru: **Rawf, rawf, bark! (Translation: it's dead, let's eat it!)

**Annocertress: **Uh-huh…yea, I'm out. (I leave.)

Akamaru bites Cloud's collar and pulls him through the portal to do who knows what.

(A/N) Yea! I did another chapter! I don't how many characters I'm gonna do but I guess when I run out of inspiration. I know, I know. It's not funny, but at least I updated. Well I hope you likey, kupo! Please R/R!


	4. Victim 4:Selphie!

Yea!!! Another chapter done! This is like the other one. Not to funny though. Well I hope that you guys like it anyway.

Disclaimer: You know I don't own any of the KH's.

**_Know your stars!_**

**Annocertress:** Bring the freakin' victim in!

A portal appears. Two moogles come running in like they are being chased by a wild bull. Well, I was close. They were being chased by Selphie. Then she caught them.

**Moogles: **Kupo!!! Kupo, kupo, ku-ku-kupo!!! (Translation: Help!!! This skank is trying to rape us!)

**Selphie: **These little guys are so cute! Do you want to come home with lil' O'l me?

**Moogles: **Kupo!! (Translation: Hell no!)

**Annocertress: **Selphie please put my moogles down.

**Selphie: **Okay! See-ya later cuties!

Selphie puts the moogles down and they run for the portal as if the portal was heaven. Maybe they were scared for life.

**Annocertress: **Know your stars, know your stars, know your stars!

**Selphie: **Ooo! I love that show!

**Annocertress: **Selphie…she is a skank!

**Selphie: **Oh no you didn't just call me a skank, hoe!

**Annocertress: **(sniff) You hurt me…

**Selphie: **Good!

**Annocertress: **(oh now that girl's in for it!) Selphie…she lost her, ahem…"innocence" yesterday!

**Selphie: **What the hell! I'm too young! And if I did, I'm not saying I did, who would I lose it to!?!?

**Annocertress: **Tidus…

**Selphie: **How did you know!

**Annocertress:**… Holy…peanuts!!!

**Selphie: **You didn't hear that.

**Annocertress: **Yea I did!

**Selphie: **No you didn't.

**Annocertress: **Okay then…Moogles! In need you guys to get me Tidus!

**Selphie: **Uh-oh…

A portal appears and two moogles come in with Tidus. He looked okay; it was just that the moogles put him a cage with a muzzle on his mouth. They were pulling the cage by a rope.

**Annocertress: **Uh… why is Tidus in a cage?

**Moogles: **Kuuuuuuuupoooooooooooooo… (Translation: He tried to bite us…)

**Annocertress: **…I have no idea what you just said, but, you can take Tidus out of the cage.

The moogles get a big, huge, clamp thingy and cut the cage and the muzzle. As soon a Tidus started to move, they were running to the portal as fat as their little legs could take them.

**Tidus: **Uh…why am I here? Oh! Hi Selphie!

**Selphie:** Heh-heh, hi Tidus…

**Annocertress: **Okay Tidus, I have a few questions to ask you.

**Tidus: **Okay.

**Annocertress: **Cool. Ahem…did you guys just so happen to be in the same house yesterday…

**Tidus: **Yea, I was at a sleep over at Selphie's.

**Annocertress: **Okay… were there any other people with you.

**Tidus: **No, just me and Selphie.

**Annocertress: **Hmmm, okay then.

**Selphie: **Uh-oh.

**Annocertress: **Last question, did anything…weird happen?

**Tidus: **Not really…but when e were watching a movie I took a drink of my soda and I think I fainted. Then I woke up in Selphie's room. My whole boy hurt and I was very sweaty.

**Annocertress: **Heh-heh! Well then, ahem, Selphie…she put crack in Tidus's drink and then took him to her room and raped him!

**Tidus: **O.o

**Selphie: **How did you know! But you were wrong about the crack. I used methamphetamine!

**Annocertress and Tidus: **…………O.o…

**Annocertress: **Holy…………squat………

**Selphie: **Uh…I guess I shouldn't have said that.

**Tidus: …**You raped me!!!!!!

**Selphie: **Uh, yea? Heh-heh.

**Tidus: **You bitch!!!!

**Selphie: **Well at least Wakka was better than you!

**Annocertress and Tidus: **……O.o……

**Annocertress: **Holy peanuts! You did the forbidden with Wakka too!

**Selphie: **Yea! But Wakka was conscious. But I don't know if he took or drank anything.

**Tidus: **So you just rape me and go have-

**Annocertress: **The forbidden. (Trying to keep this rated T)

**Tidus: **…"The forbidden" with Wakka!

**Selphie: **Well he did pay me.

**Tidus:** then why did you rape me!?

**Selphie: **To get ready for Wakka.

**Tidus: **So you just raped me to get ready for Wakka!

**Selphie: **Yea!

**Tidus: **… (He fainted)

**Annocertress: **I told you she was a skank. (I leave)

**Selphie: **Now…where are those moogles!

(A/N) I know, I know…IT STINKS!! I will accept flames though. I running out of people to insult. If you like, you can review and tell me who you would like me to do. But for now…just people form KH1. Just because I don't got Chain of memories or Kh2 yet, so I wouldn't know who you are talking about or their personality. Well…I hoe you enjoyed at least a little bit. Please R/R,kupo!


	5. Victim 5: Riku!

Sorry it took me so long to update (dumb writers block!). My friends at school liked this chapter, and I hope you guys like it too! Well…Enjoy!

Disclaimer: ku-kupo, kupo, po! (Translation: Me no no own the game!)

_**Know your stars!**_

**Annocertress: **You know what to do, kupo.

A portal appears. Two cute little shadow heartless come running out with Riku chasing them with his evil…keyblade…thingy.

**Cute Shadows: **Crying (help!)

**Annocertress: **Riku! If you know what is good for you…STOP CHASING MY SHADOWS!!!

Riku stops chasing them and puts his keyblade away. The cute shadow heartless run back through the portal and it disappeared. A new portal then appears.

**Annocertress: **Your lucky they ran away or I would have let them eat your heart and leave your body for the buzzards! Now sit!

**Riku: **(sits down)

**Annocertress: **Know your stars, know your stars, know your stars!

**Riku:** …Okay… I'm out of here. (Moves toward the portal.)

**Annocertress: **Ansem is there watching Broke-back Mountain and eating chocolate pudding…

**Riku: **I'm staying.

**Annocertress: **Yay! Riku…he has grey hair!

**Riku: **…No, it's silver.

**Annocertress: **Fine! Either way, you have old people hair.

**Riku: **I'm 15!

**Annocertress: **Well, on the bright side, you don't have to worry about going grey.

**Riku: **True.

**Annocertress: **Riku… He has 4 boyfriends!

**Riku: **Are you crazy! I'm straight!

**Annocertress: **Oh yea? Then why did Cloud, Sephiroth, Leon, and Ansem say that you did …ahem, "The Forbidden" with them?

**Riku:** … Their gay?

**Annocertress: **Yep! Their even members of I.M G.A.Y (Institution for the Mentally Gay And Young)!

**Riku: **……Eww……

**Annocertress: **Riku…He is a wimp!

**Riku: **Um…no. Take a good look at me. (Points at his muscles.)

**Annocertress: **I'm looking.

**Riku: **And what do you see?

**Annocertress: **…A wimp…

**Riku: **…

**Annocertress: **Riku…He raped king Mickey!

**Riku: **Holy……shit! I did not!

**Annocertress: **Yea you did.

**Riku: **I AM NOT GAY! Also, HE IS A RAT! Why would I have s-

**Annocertress: **"The forbidden"

**Riku: **…"The forbidden" with a rat!

**Annocertress: **How should I know? You're the one who raped the king.

**Riku: **…

**Annocertress: **And also, King Mickey is a mouse…not a rat.

**Riku: **… I'm leaving. (Starts moving toward the portal.)

**Annocertress: **Ansem is there with Broke-back Mountain and pudding.

**Riku: **I'd rather be with a male-body stealing gay man than here listening to a girl insult me. (Goes through the portal.)

**Annocertress: **…Did he hear himself correctly? ...

Inside the portal…

**Ansem: **Hello Riku. (Seductively)

**Riku: **...Dear Lord…

**Ansem:** Do you want some of my "homemade" chocolate pudding? (Starts to giggle)

**Riku: **…Holy…shit… Heeeelllpp Meeeeee!

**Annocertress: **…I warned him. (I leave)

(A/N) Yay! It's done. Not much too say but I'm sorry for being so late. I don't know if it's good so I'll accept any flames you guys have. Oh! And one more thank-you for actually reading, kupo! (R/R)!


	6. Victim 6: Aerith!

Hi peoples!! Sorry it took me so long to update. There are four reasons for why:

1: I am not funny.  
2: No motivation.  
3: I nearly died on the ice while going to and from school! (Well I didn't fall…but I slipped many times!)

And 4: My mommy said I can't play my PS2 on the weekdays! I haven't played KH2 for 5 WHOLE DAYS! Waah!

But at least I get to play it over the weekend and on vacation. Yay! I feel so special!…on with the story!

Disclaimer: xMxe xnxo xoxwxn xgxaxmxe!!!! (You know what it says!)

_**Know your stars!**_

**Annocertress: **Bring in the 'special' victim.

A portal appears. Aerith comes in carrying two sleeping moogles.

**Aerith: **Would these moogles belong to you?

**Annocertress: **Yes! Thank-you you can put them back in the portal.

Aerith wakes the moogles up and they walk through the portal.

**Annocertress: **Aerith…she is in love with Cloud!

**Aerith:** Well… a little.

**Annocertress: **Aerith… she is Cloud's girl, but, she is cheating on him with Leon, who is cheating on her with Yuffie!

**Aerith: **Uh… could you please repeat that?

**Annocertress: **You-are-cheating-on Cloud-with-Leon-who-is-cheating-on-you-with-Yuffie!

**Aerith: **Oh dear! I would never do that to Cloud!

**Annocertress: **Aerith…she has no clue that Cloud is cheating on her with Sephiroth!

**Aerith: **Cloud would never do that to me! Also, if he likes men, why would he date me?

**Annocertress: **It's called...(dramatic pause)… HE'S BĪ!

**Aerith: **He is not bī!

**Annocertress: **Oh! And speaking of cheating, ahem, Aerith…she is a ghost!

**Aerith: **No I am not! I didn't even die yet!

**Annocertress: **Yes you are. Thanks to Sephiroth.

**Aerith: **Oh really? Then if I am dead why am I here?

**Annocertress: **How should I know? It's magic!...Holy peanut-butter…a ghost!!!! Run for you pitiful lives! (I run out)

**Aerith: **I am not a ghost! … Aren't I not?

A shadow heartless ran out of the portal swinging Cloud's big sword thing around (which is really amazing since the cute shadows are so weak). Cloud, of course, was close on its tail trying to get his sword back.

**Aerith: **Oh Cloud! I don't think the host will like it if you chase her shadows.

**Cloud: **Well these stupid things stole my sword! (He stops running and turns around) And who are you to tell me what to-.

When Cloud sees Aerith he turns pale. He also starts to have an eye twitch.

**Aerith: **Cloud…why is your eye twitching?

**Cloud: **A-A-Aerith…is th-that you?

**Aerith: **Of course it's me Cloud!

**Cloud:** …Holy shit a ghost!!!

**Aerith: **Cloud, come on now. You know I am not a ghost.

**Cloud:** Silence… ghost. (he pulls out the sword Excalibur).

**Aerith: **Um Cloud…where did you get that sword?

**Cloud: **Oh I have my ways…

* * *

Somewhere far away…

**King Arthur: **Guards! Have ye found my sword?

**Guard: **No your Majesty. But we captured the thief.

The guards bring in a moogle.

**King Arthur:** Well what do you have to say for yourself, my cute friend?

**Moogle:** Kupo!!!! (pulls out a 3-57 and starts shooting)

**Guards and King:** Holy-!

Back to the show!

* * *

**Cloud:** Die vile creature! (closes his eyes and starts swinging at Aerith)

**Aerith:** Eeep! (covers her eyes)

After the 17th swing Cloud stops and opens eyes.

**Cloud:** Ha-ha-…ha…ha…hee……Dear Lord, you're still alive!

**Aerith: **I'm alive…I'm alive!

**Cloud: **OMG THE GHOST LIVES!!! (runs through the portal)

**Aerith: **Cloud! Come back! I'm not a ghost!

I come back and think Cloud already 're-killed' Aerith.

**Annocertress: **Good job Cloud! And now you "used" to know our special victim, Aerith. The cheating, dead, ghost, ex-girlfriend of Cloud's.

**Aerith: **I did not cheat on Cloud!**  
Annocertress: **…Holy peanuts! The ghost till lives!!(I run away…again)

**Aerith: **(sniff) I didn't die…or did I?

Yay!!!!!!!!! I finally did it! I know…I know. It's not that funny. But I tried. There is going to be one more one victim chapter, then for my last chapter it will be a group one. Don't worry. I'm going to make 'chain of memories version of this when I'm done(I got it and finished both Sora's and Riku's story…yea!). Thanx for reading Kupo! (R/R)!


	7. Victim 7: Sephiroth!

Holy… peanuts…Yay! I got over 500 hits! Well now at least I know that people are actually reading. Yay for me! This is gonna be the chapter before the last chapter of this…story...thingy. I had cookies today so this might not be that good because…I'm high off sugar. But what've. On with thingy!

Disclaimer: The square people own it…not me.

_**Know your stars!**_

**Annocertress: **Bring in the victim! …Person…Thing….Whatever he is!

A portal appears. Two Shadow heartless come in dragging a tied-up and unconscious Sephiroth.

**Annocertress: **Hi! Hey, wait a minute… How in peanut's name did you tie up Sephiroth without even a gash on you guys?

One of the heartless takes out a tranquilizer. The other one points to the shot in Sephiroth.

**Annocertress: **Ooooooooh… Okay. You can untie and wake him up now.

The shadows untie Sephiroth, and one of them holds Sephiroth's sword right over his head like I was going to chop off his h-

**Annocertress: **Hey, hey, hey!! As tempting as it is, we can't kill him…yet. But if you want, you guys can eat his heart after!

The heartless drop Sephiroth's sword and start jumping up and down happily. They then head off toward the portal.

**Annocertress: **Hmmm… How to wake him up?... … … Ahah!

**Sephiroth:** (still unconscious)

**Annocertress: **Oh my peanut-butter sandwich! Is that CLOUD in a thong!

**Sephiroth: **Oh my god! Where!?

**Annocertress: **(Ha-ha! It worked!) Know your stars, know your stars, know your stars!

**Sephiroth: **Oh crap...not this again.

**Annocertress: **Yes this again! Now, ahem, Sephiroth…he is gay!

**Sephiroth: **Yes I am, and I am proud of it!

**Annocertress: **…

**Sephiroth: **"We will stand without food, we will stand without pay… but one day, oh one day…The world will be GAY!"

**Annocertress: **…O.o… WHAT..THE …PEANUT!?

**Sephiroth: **That's the I.M. G.A.Y pledge! And one day it will be true!

**Annocertress: **…Okay then… Sephiroth… he killed Aerith!

**Sephiroth: **Yep! I sure did!

**Annocertress: **…O.o…

**Sephiroth: **And anyway, I needed to get that bitch out of the way so I could make my move on Cloud.

Aerith come out of the portal. She approaches Sephiroth.

**Annocertress: **Oh Aerith, hi!

**Aerith: **Hello there. Now, ahem, Sephiroth…what did you just call me?

**Sephiroth:** Oh. I called you a biotch!…Biotch!

**Aerith: **Well that is not a very nice thing to say to a person!

**Sephiroth: **Pshaw…like I care.

**Annocertress: **True that, true that.

**Aerith: **Grr!

Aerith tries to take a grip of Sephiroth's neck but she just phases through.

**Sephiroth: **Foolish girl! You can't touch nothin', cuz you dead!

**Annocertress: **Salted!

**Aerith: **…

**Annocertress and Sephiroth: **Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

**Aerith: **…

**Annocertress and Sephiroth: **Ha ha ha ha …

**Aerith: **…

**Annocertress and Sephiroth: **Ha…ha……

**Aerith: **…

**Annocertress and Sephiroth: **…

**Aerith:** What?

**Annocertress and Sephiroth: **Holy peanut-loving elephants! The ghost still lives! (We both run thru the portal)

**Aerith: **Am I really dead? (Sigh)

Don't worry!

**Aerith: **Who's that?

A little red fairy carrying a black pitch-fork comes from…somewhere…

**Aerith: **So death isn't that bad?

**Red Fairy: **No…it's a living hell!

The fairy bursts into flames and goes straight back down to the fiery depths of…well you know…

**Aerith: **Eeeeeeeeee! (runs thru the portal)

(A/N) Yea for me…I did it….whoo hoo. Note to self…never eat more than 14 cookies, or you will loose all of your energy…well, I hope you guys liked it


	8. Special Group Chapter!

Yay…I got a lot of hits…Yay for me…I hate being sick…I now have no enthusiasm what so ever …now anyway. Well, at least I got some motivation…and no more cookies for me…today at least. Ugh way too many…I think I had over 23… and sickness and sugar don't go good together…TRUST ME. Well…on with it.

Disclaimer: Too sick to say it…

_**Know your stars!**_

**Annocertress: **Just bring the people in…I no no feel good today… …HEY WAIT! Today is the group show! Yay! Okay…but me still sick.

A portal appears. Sora, Riku and Kairi come thru.

**Annocertress: **Hi Sora…Hi Kairi…

**Sora and Kairi: **Hey.

**Riku: **Ahem?

**Annocertress: **Yes Riku?

**Riku: **Aren't you gonna say hi to me too?

**Annocertress: **Too sick to do so…

**Riku: **Humph!

**Annocertress: **Well…this might be the only normal show. Now…Know your stars, know your stars, know your stars!

**Riku: **Oh God, please kill me right now.

**Annocertress: **Okay. Oh Ansem!

**Riku: **Oh please no!

**Annocertress: **Okay. Ahem…Sora…he likes Kairi!

**Sora: **No I... I mean I …but I just… oh…ugh! (Starts to blush)

**Annocertress: **Kairi…she likes Sora!

**Kairi:** Ummm…. (Also starts to blush)

Sora moves close to Kairi and takes her hands.

**Sora: **Kairi…I…uh um…I-

**Kairi:** I like you too Sora.

**Sora: **Great! So does that mean that you…um want to…uh…go …on….um-

**Kairi: **Of course I'll go on a date with you!

**Sora: **Yes!!

**Kairi: **On one condition.

**Sora: **Sure! What is it?

**Kairi: **I get to be the girlfriend and you're the boyfriend.

**Sora: **Fine by me!

**Riku: **…Awww…my little friends are I love!

**Annocertress: **Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand… cue music!

Hikari by Utada Hikaru starts playing.

**Annocertress: **Yay! Japanese version! Hey! I wanted Passion!

**Riku: **Well, this song is a little more romantic.

**Annocertress: **True that, true that.

Sora and Kairi start to walk toward the portal.

**Riku: **Now you guys behave yourselves! I don't want to be an uncle yet! Ha-ha-ha-ha, oof!

I slapped Riku upside the head.

**Riku: **That hurt dammit! What was that for!?

**Annocertress, Sora, and Kairi: **For being an idiot!

**Riku: **Okay.

**Annocertress: **Ya'll come back now ya hear!?

**Sora and Kairi:** Okay!

They leave thru the portal.

**Annocertress: **(sigh) …I'm bored now.

**Riku: **Well you still have me.

**Annocertress: **So?

**Riku: **I'm the best character in the game!

**Annocertress: **No that's Sora.

**Riku: **Well… I'm that hottest good guy!

**Annocertress: **Who said you were good!?...Mr. I-lost-my-body-to-Ansem!

**Riku: **Well…I'm the hottest!

**Annocertress: **Nyah…most likely.

**Riku: **Heh.

**Annocertress: **But Sora is the cutest and cute beats hot so what!!

**Riku: **…Man! And I was having a moment too!

**Annocertress: **Well…I'm sorry…sorta.(Sigh)…Might as well end the show. Ahem, now you know Sora, the cutest guy in Kingdom hearts who likes Kairi. And you also know Kairi, one of the four princesses of heart who likes Sora...Wow…This is cheap…

**Riku: **I wish you were sick every day.

**Annocertress: **Oh be quiet!

All of a sudden, Queen Minnie walks thru the portal.

**Annocertress: **Oh! Hello there you Highness. (I bow…I don't curtsy…curtsy is bad…)

**Queen Minnie: **Hello there.

**Riku: **(Bows)Your highe-

Queen Minnie then Bitch-slaps Riku plain across the face! That gotta hurt…

**Annocertress: **…OMP… (Oh my peanut, for all those un-cool people.)

**Riku: **Y-your highness?

**Queen Minnie: **That is what you get for raping my husband!

**Annocertress and Riku: **……O.o……

**Annocertress: **Ooooooooooooooh…Now I remember! (I also slap Riku…but not as hard because I'm sick and weaker than usual)

**Riku: **What the hell was that for!?!?

**Annocertress: **For raping her highness's husband!

**Riku: **But you were the one that said I did it!

**Annocertress: **I know…but didn't think that you would actually do it!

**Riku: **I didn't do anything!

Me and the Queen cross our arms.

**Annocertress: **We'll just see then. OH YOUR MAJESTY!

King Mickey comes thru the portal.

**Annocertress: **HI MICKEY!

**King Mickey: **Hey there! Oh! Hi Minnie!

**Queen Minnie:** Hello Mickey.

**Riku: **Hi Mickey.

**King Mickey: **Hi Riku…HOLY HOLLYHOCKS! IT'S RIKU!! (Takes out a can of pepper spray.)

**Riku: **Uh…What's with the spray Mick-

**King Mickey: **Eat pepper! (Starts to spray at Riku)

**Riku: **OMFG! MY EYES! MY BEAUTIFUL TEAL EYES!!

**Annocertress: **I would say your eyes are cool…not beautiful.

**Riku:** Idon't care! My eyes are freakin' burning!

**Annocertress: **And to tell the truth…I really don't care… But it is good entertainment.

King Mickey throws the empty can at Riku and runs thru the portal screaming. The Queen then bitch-slaps him …again. She then goes after her husband.

**Annocertress: **Now don't you feel salted! You got slapped by a sick girl twice, got pepper-sprayed in the eyes by a mouse, and got... very hardly slapped by the mouse's wife…that is so sad.

**Riku: **Well, it wouldn't be so funny if it were you!

**Annocertress: **Oh it would never be me.

**Riku: **And why is that?

**Annocertress: **Because unlike you, ahem, I am not a rapist, and I am not homo.

**Riku: **I am not gay and I did not rape a freakin' rat!

**Annocertress: **Hmmm… So it's your words against the King's pepper spray… I take the King's pepper spray.

**Riku: **Grrrrrrrrrr!!!! My eyes are burning bad dammit!

**Annocertress: **Well good for you.

All of a sudden…again…Leon, Yuffie, Cloud, Sephiroth, Sora, Kairi, Selphie, Tidus, and Ansem walk thru the portal.

**Annocertress: **Hi guys (sniff).

**Everyone: **Hey.

**Yuffie: **I hope you get better soon.

**Everyone…else: **Yea.

**Annocertress: **Thanks (sniff) I hope so too.

**Ansem: **Now, on 3-

**Annocertress: **Oh! Oh! I know where this is going (sniff)! Can I join in? Pleeeeeeease!?

**Everyone: **Sure!

**Riku: **What the hell is going on!?

**Ansem: **Now on 3.

**Annocertress: **I count!

**Riku: **Huh?

**Annocertress: **0!

**Riku:** …

**Annocertress: **-400! 8!

**Riku: **Oh hell no…

**Annocertress: **3!

And then everyone, and I mean everyone there bitch-slapped Riku so hard you would have mistaken his head for a tomato! …A hot tomato with grey old people hair…yea…

**Riku: **OWWWWW! WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

**Annocertress: **I did it for no good reason, ahem, and now we shall go down the list of names…

**Sora: **Me and Kairi were bored…

**Kairi: **Yep…

**Ansem: **You raped me!

**Sephiroth: **Yea! You raped my man!

**Yuffie: **You raped Leon!

**Leon: **Yea!

**Cloud: **You raped me!

**Selphie: **I was bored and I couldn't find any moogles.

**Tidus: **I am mad and have anger management issues…  
**Riku: **Why does every one take their anger out on me!?!?!?!?!?

**Everyone: **We…don't…know…

**Riku: **……

Aerith walks thru the portal.

**Aerith: **Hello everyone! Are we having a party or something?

**Everyone including Riku: **…

**Aerith: **What?

**Everyone: **Holy…….squat……The ghost of Aerith still lives! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Everyone runs thru the portal…again.

**Aerith: **Oh dear God! This is getting very annoying!

**Red Fairy: **…Boo.

**Aerith: **AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Runs thru the portal)

**Red Fairy: **Ha-ha-ha!!! That is always funny!!!(bursts into flames and goes back to the dark and fiery depths of…well …y'know.)

(A/N) Yay for me. Another chapter done. Okay guys(sniff) if I get at least one review, I'll make one last bonus chapter tomorrow…well that's it. I hate being sick…


	9. Bonus victim: Wakka!

Yay! Bonus chapter! Whoop! Yay for enthusiasm! I am getting better!!! YAY! Germs feel salted! Okay then…The reason I'm doing Wakka is because him and Tidus aren't even seen in KH2…so ya…This might not be that funny….but I really needed to put him in.

Disclaimer: I WANT TO OWN MOOGLES SO BAD!!!!...but I don't…boo…

_**Know your stars!**_

**Annocertress: **Hello there. Welcome to the last chapter of Know your stars! Kh1 version! Yes it is sad that it is over…but! I will be making a KH2 version! So no need to worry! Yay! …Okay now, bring in the victim.

A moogle comes out with Wakka's Blitz ball. Wakka is chasing the moogle…of course.

**Wakka: **Come on, man. Can I have my ball back?

The moogle gives the ball to Wakka and then flies off thru the portal…wow…

**Annocertress: **Whoa…

**Wakka: **Huh?

**Annocertress: **Nothing…That's just the first time ever my assistants leave on their on free will without being bribed or scared to death…

**Wakka: **Okay, ya. Heh-heh…

**Annocertress:** Now on with the show. Wakka…he paid Selphie to have "the Forbidden" with him!

**Wakka: **Yea I did…But I'm not proud of it!

**Annocertress: **Then why you do it! (I love bad grammar!)

**Wakka: **Some of my friends dared me to lose my innocence…-

**Annocertress: **You should never give in to peer-pressure!

**Wakka: **But! If I didn't do it, they would say I was gay and sell fixed photos of me and Tidus on eBay, ya!

**Annocertress: **Whoa…that harsh…

**Wakka: **Ya, man…

**Annocertress: **Sorry…but I got to say it…

**Wakka: **Say what, man?

**Annocertress: **Ahem, Wakka…he has no idea that Selphie raped Tidus to get ready for him!

**Wakka: **WHAT!!

**Annocertress: **Yep…she raped Tidus… And now he's scared for life and has anger-management issues…

**Wakka: **I don't believe it, man! She said that she didn't lose her innocence, ya!

**Annocertress: **Well if you want to apologize…I could always get Tidus for you…

**Wakka: **Thanks, man.

**Annocertress: **Now…TIDUS! GET IN HERE NOW!!

**Tidus: **I-i-i-is Selphie in there…?

**Annocertress: **No.

**Tidus: **Oh thank god!

Tidus comes thru the portal and sees Wakka.

**Tidus: **Wakka!! You know that Selphie freakin' raped me to get ready for you!!

**Wakka: **Ya man…I know…I'm sorry, ya. Forgive me?

**Tidus: **Yea. No hard feelings man. (Shakes hands with Wakka)

**Annocertress: **Yay! You guys are friends …again (sniff)!

**Tidus: **I mean, why would she want to get ready for you?

**Wakka: **Ya…

**Tidus: **I mean like…you're not really anything that special.

**Wakka: **Yea…Hey! What is that supposed to mean!?

**Tidus: **Nothing, nothing…I'm just saying that you're not that much of a stud. Now me-

**Wakka: **Hey, man! I am much more of a stud than you will ever be, ya!

**Tidus: **Yea, right. I have my own game! I don't see you with any of your own publicity!

**Annocertress: **He has a point there… (Man, I need to get FFX!)

**Wakka: **Well I don't need publicity to show that I'm better than you!!

**Annocertress: **Oooooooooo (I get some pop-corn)…

**Tidus: **Well…Yo mama is stupid!

**Annocertress: **Burn!!!!!

**Wakka: **Oh no you ain't talking about my mama!!

**Tidus: **And what if I is!?!?

**Wakka: **So you want to start something now, ya!?

**Tidus: **Yea!!

**Annocertress: **Yay!! Cat-fight!!!!!

**Wakka and Tidus: **…We're guys.

**Annocertress: **…Yay!!! Cat-fight!!!!

**Wakka and Tidus: **………… (They looked at each other) You goin' down!!!

Aerith comes out of the portal and stands between Wakka and Tidus.

**Aerith: **Now guys you know that fighting isn't always the answer! Now…I want you guys to make up. Right now!

Wakka and Tidus look at each other.

**Wakka: **I'm sorry, man.

**Tidus: **I'm sorry too. And I take back what I say about your mom.

They hug. Yay! (Not a gay guy hug!! Eww! Y'know …a gangster friends kind of hug…or a hug that is not gay)

**Annocertress: **…Uh…guys…

**Wakka and Tidus: **Yea?

**Annocertress: **Remember what Sephiroth did to Aerith…

**Wakka: **Ya, man…

**Tidus: **That was so sad…

**Annocertress: **…So…if Sephy killed Aerith… why is she still here? ...

**Wakka and Tidus: **…

**Aerith: **…

**Wakka, Tidus and Annocertress:** …

**Aerith: **…What is it?

**Wakka, Tidus and Annocertress: **OH…MY…DEAR…LORD……GOD…THE GHOST HAS COME TO HAUNT US!!!!!! RUN!!!!!! (We run thru the portal)

**Aerith: **Why does this keep happening to me!?

**Red Fairy: **(pops out of no-where) Because your after-life sucks!! Ha-ha-ha-ha!!!

**Aerith: **If you don't get out of here within 2 seconds…I will send you straight to heaven!!!

**Red Fairy: **Oh hell no! (bursts in to flame screaming as she goes right back to…y'know…the bad place…)

Sorry if this chapter stinks…but I had to do it. Yay! I am done with this story! Okay…I'm gonna skip chain of memories because just about everyone in Chain of memories is in KH2… Well…the people that are dead are in the Organization 13 so…technically…they can still be in that one. You might have to wait until next week for it though…SORRY! Well I shall like to thank all f my reviewers and people who read…Origato-gozimasu-shita!


End file.
